When kids win or lose in a game or Jiu Jitsu match, we make them shake hands with their opponents. We do this because we know that this is important. We want them to separate their experience of the game from their treatment of people. Even if its people they are competing against. This isn’t just a social utility, or a way to be liked. Congratulations is a discipline and its good for the soul.
I read in a book about professional poker that most people attribute skill to their success, and luck to their opponent’s success. This is clear recipe for being bitter. In reality, a lot of your wins had elements of luck, and many of your opponent’s win had more skill involved than you are appreciating.
Congratulating people is recognizing their work. Your feelings about the work, what this means for you, should you have gotten the same prize, all of that is just noise.
Congratulating people is a magnet. The things you praise have a way of finding you. Its hard to congratulate people if you yourself feel overlooked or salty about it, but do it anyway.
My rule is I always try to celebrate with people if they are celebrating., but if its something I want for myself, I go out of my way to congratulate them.
When you win, you discover not who loves you, you discover who hates you. You discover who has unresolved issues. You discover who was never really behind your ascent to the top. Crabs in a barrel.
If you want people to revel in your success, you have to revel in theirs.
Also, there is no limit. You making a million means nothing to whether I can make a million. If anything, your example will probably help me.
This is hard for me too. When I see people succeed in ways I have not yet, it hurts. I want to crush all the time in all directions. Thats not possible though, and often times our habits are not in line with our goals.
Give it up for people. Then sort out your feelings of what this means later. Shake their hand.