As far as I know, there are only two ways to stop being insecure. Epiphany or mastery.
The problem with both of these is only one can be generated.
Epiphany is amazing. Its the moment in time where you see yourself or your problem correctly. I may not be x but I am y etc.. It brings peace. But epiphany’s are very hard to come by.
This only leaves us mastery. And most people don’t want to look at it. The reason is, we know that mastery will require something of us. If you are insecure about your understanding of wine for example, you could fish for compliments from your sommelier friends, you could buy fancy wines and just tell yourself that not knowing isn’t a big deal, but if that voice keeps eating at you, then you have to do something.
To me, if I discover a weakness in myself, and its one that I think is hurting me, it becomes imperative to master it. I also get extra excited if its a weakness that I see culturally.
When I first moved to Denmark, I didn’t speak a word of Danish. I sucked at it and had no natural talent. I hit a breaking point over verbs. I kept getting stuck on sentences where I understood most of the words but because I didn’t know what the verb meant, the rest of the sentence was impossible to understand.
So I got craaaazy.
I made a crazy goal that I was going to learn every verb in the language. The one good thing about Danish is its not a huge language so this isn’t as nuts as it sounds. Also lucky for me, I had an incomplete list of verbs so I ended up learning a lion’s share of useful verbs without killing myself on the task.
Still, paying a price to be good at verbs gave me confidence, it gave me sure footing, and it showed me I could master things even if I found them annoying.
I got good at Danish almost out of spite. In the process I respected it, and now I love it.
Almost everything you disqualify yourself with is a learnable skill. You can keep saying why you are not good enough or you can focus on becoming good enough. Only one will bring you peace.
And coming back to epiphany: ironically, epiphany comes to people who are striving. The idea hits you in the shower, and the lyric comes on the walk.
You can’t give anyone epiphany, and you can’t give anyone mastery. They are things we have to pursue on our own.